I have often found myself as "the girl" playing or participating in sports that are male dominated. Climbing and rugby are two obvious examples of that. But, for me, pole vaulting was also one of those sports because, when I started vaulting, there was no official event for girls to pole vault for their high school in Indiana. So, I had to be a member of the boys' track team at my high school and had to compete against the boys until Indiana was eventually forced to add the event for girls.
Because of these experiences, people often ask me what it is like to be a "girl" in a boys' world (especially in sports) and how I "handle" it. I can say, it is has been a journey... learning from my mistakes, and ultimately coming to accept what it means to be a girl/female athlete... boys be darned. That said, it was not always easy to find my way. There were times when I struggled with inadequacies when I compared myself to the guys around me. Other times, I had to fight my urge to lash out "against" the boys because they stood in the way of something I wanted or they took priority in a sport where I felt that girls deserved equal billing. And, some of the worst moments were when I was starting to feel good about my skills and abilities and then was shot down by guys around me because I was out-shining them. In these situations I have been called cocky and arrogant and many other terrible names. So, as you read the conclusions I have come to, realize I arrived at them through a lot of difficult and soul searching moments. I am sharing them because, I hope they might help you on your own journey. (Or, if you are a guy reading this, I hope you will see women in sports through new eyes and will become a cheerleader for the women athletes in your life!)
One thing I have learned is that it is important to be known for your strengths. Don't waste time defending your weaknesses. A good example of this for me is rugby. The women's team in Steamboat was started as an afterthought to the local semi-pro men's team. We have been a team for just two seasons and can only practice for about 4 months each year. Plus, 50% of our practices are with the men's team who are BIG and STRONG, and who take rugby very seriously. On the other hand, we are the smallest overall women's team in the western USA. So, we rely on strategy and speed to score, rather on on brute strength. It took me a year to accept the fact that I could be 5'3", 110 pounds and still be "good" at rugby. Initially, I would go to practices, look at the big guys doing tackling drills and I would feel "too little" to ever be a good rugby player. Eventually, I learned that being fast is my biggest asset. Have you ever watched a troll chase a fairy? Well, that is my world, now. The boys still make fun of me for being tiny; but, I have learned to laugh at them and embrace it. I can run so fast that even they can't catch me.
Because of these experiences, people often ask me what it is like to be a "girl" in a boys' world (especially in sports) and how I "handle" it. I can say, it is has been a journey... learning from my mistakes, and ultimately coming to accept what it means to be a girl/female athlete... boys be darned. That said, it was not always easy to find my way. There were times when I struggled with inadequacies when I compared myself to the guys around me. Other times, I had to fight my urge to lash out "against" the boys because they stood in the way of something I wanted or they took priority in a sport where I felt that girls deserved equal billing. And, some of the worst moments were when I was starting to feel good about my skills and abilities and then was shot down by guys around me because I was out-shining them. In these situations I have been called cocky and arrogant and many other terrible names. So, as you read the conclusions I have come to, realize I arrived at them through a lot of difficult and soul searching moments. I am sharing them because, I hope they might help you on your own journey. (Or, if you are a guy reading this, I hope you will see women in sports through new eyes and will become a cheerleader for the women athletes in your life!)
One thing I have learned is that it is important to be known for your strengths. Don't waste time defending your weaknesses. A good example of this for me is rugby. The women's team in Steamboat was started as an afterthought to the local semi-pro men's team. We have been a team for just two seasons and can only practice for about 4 months each year. Plus, 50% of our practices are with the men's team who are BIG and STRONG, and who take rugby very seriously. On the other hand, we are the smallest overall women's team in the western USA. So, we rely on strategy and speed to score, rather on on brute strength. It took me a year to accept the fact that I could be 5'3", 110 pounds and still be "good" at rugby. Initially, I would go to practices, look at the big guys doing tackling drills and I would feel "too little" to ever be a good rugby player. Eventually, I learned that being fast is my biggest asset. Have you ever watched a troll chase a fairy? Well, that is my world, now. The boys still make fun of me for being tiny; but, I have learned to laugh at them and embrace it. I can run so fast that even they can't catch me.
Another thing I learned is to fight for things, not against things. When I started pole vaulting, there was no pole vault event for girls in Indiana at the official high school state meet (or at any other level- local, county, regional.) Initially, I was happy enough to have the opportunity to train and compete in pole vault, no matter the circumstances. After my freshman year, though, when I won the BOYS' county meet in pole vault (making a lot of enemies in the process), I felt it was time to start standing up for the right for girls in Indiana to pole vault against girls (not boys). Up until then, I competed against boys but I also resented them. The boys could pole vault at every track meet, have championships, set records and go to state. Me? All I could do is try to keep pace... but, the Indiana men's high school record was HIGHER than the women's WORLD record. I had no chance. In response, I focused my efforts on adding pole vault for women in Indiana. Instead of bashing all the ways that men's sports and women's sports were not equal, I found a way to focus that frustration in a positive way. I filed a title IX lawsuit against the IHSAA (Indiana High School Athletic Association) demanding that they give girls the right to pole vault on state teams, just as they had given that right to guys. In the end, pole vault was added as an official event for high school girls in Indiana and is, currently, one of the most contested events in high school track and field. WIN!
Finally, I learned to be myself instead of trying to conform to some image others had of what I should be. I still remember my first climbing national competition. I had designed leopard and tiger print sports bras with coordinating climbing capris to wear. Boy did I stand out. Most of the girls climbed in baggy shorts and T-shirts. I felt conflicted after that. It is no secret that I love crazy colors and interesting combinations (nothing scandalous or revealing!). Yet, for many years, I struggled to find an "invisible" medium between girl climbers dressing in bland colors and baggy clothes and designing fun, "girlie" outfits for myself to climb in. In the end, I learned that being myself is the most important thing. If I present, in a real way, who I am (through my actions and my appearance), I chart a path for others to follow. In the end.... I hope there are girls who are inspired, by me, or someone else like me, and who feel confident enough to strut their style. As for everyone else reading this... support the athlete-girl in your life...tell her her outfit rocks, tell her she is strong, tell her she is capable...applaud her efforts to stand out and be an individual.
I'd love to hear about the challenges you have faced in your efforts to "play like a girl".
I'd love to hear about the challenges you have faced in your efforts to "play like a girl".